Santa's gonna come and make you mine this Christmas!
Well, my darlings, it's that time again. Like every other self-respecting, red-blooded, steak-eating American, I know that it's not officially the holiday season without Mariah Carey. Gather by the fireplace and allow me to digress into a Sophia Petrillo-esque winter tale:
A long time ago, two young gay boys were driving through the treacherous wilds of the north country, armed only with their wits and several duty-free handles of gin. They were exhausted, it was snowing, and they were sober (the irony of the presence of several full duty-free handles of gin in the trunk was not lost on them). Just when it looked like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, a miracle occurred: Mariah Carey's canonical Merry Christmas album came on, and the two boys finally returned to a part of the country that believes in street lamps. Their terrifying adventure finished, they stuck straws in the duty-free handles of gin and toasted, "To life!" The end!
Therefore, as nothing is more central to Christmas than Mariah Carey, I present to you #OnTheTown: Kick off the holidays Mariah-style!
As always, tweet me @khemingway with your #BostonArts-going!
THE NUTCRACKER @ BOSTON BALLET
"I Don't Wanna Cry," but the Boston Ballet's all-new Nutcracker left me feeling so many "Emotions." I was fortunate enough to see this incredible new production on its opening night and was completely blown away. The new production design is absolutely breathtaking (to the point where even if you hated dance you'd enjoy seeing this show). The new choreography incorporated some innovation while maintaining the charm that audiences will expect from this holiday tradition. Truly, if you see one thing this entire holiday season, make it Boston Ballet's Nutcracker.
The Nutcracker: Choreography by Mikko Nissinen. At the Boston Opera House; 539 Washington Street, Boston; 617-695-6955; bostonballet.org. Through December 30. @bostonballet
HANDEL'S MESSIAH @ HANDEL AND HAYDN SOCIETY
Another Boston holiday tradition, Messiah tells the life story of everyone's favorite "Jesus What A Wonderful Child." The Handel and Haydn Society has been doing this for 159 years consecutively, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say they know what they're doing with this piece. Under the deft hand of Artistic Director Harry Christophers (talented as hell, of course, but check out these sweet vintage headshots), Messiah truly comes alive. I cannot wait to see what he's got cooking this year! Halleluhjah!
Handel's Messiah: Conducted by Harry Christophers. At Symphony Hall; 301 Massachusetts Avenue, Boston; 617-266-3605; handelandhaydn.org. Through December 2. @handelandhaydn
BACH'S CHRISTMAS ORATORIO @ EMMANUEL MUSIC
Seemingly as if Jesus is more important than Mariah Carey this season, Emmanuel Music offers Bach's take on the events surrounding his birth with Christmas Oratorio. The whole three-hour work is divided into six cantatas associated with feasts around Christmas, from "Jesus Born On This Day" all the way to the Wise Men arriving and declaring "Thank God I Found You." Throw in some superb voices and you've got a recipe for a fabulous evening of music!
Bach's Christmas Oratorio: Conducted by Ryan Turner. At Emmanuel Church; 15 Newbury Street, Boston; 617-536-3356; emmanuelmusic.org. @emmanuelmusic